inspired by crumbs: best reward ever

My husband and I wanted to have a baby really bad. But of course it wasn't easy for us because we were "trying to hard." A lot of people told us to "stop focusing on making a baby and it will come when the time is right." Not exactly sure what that means, but apparently we weren't ready for a long time. However, since "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle," he gave us two babies. I guess I was ready to be a mom, and have double the fun!

From the beginning I had a fairly easy pregnancy. No morning sickness, no dizziness, no throwing up, no cravings, no nothing! I was actually a little worried about that, because I didn't feel "pregnant." But, week after week my babies grew inside me and I had no issues. Except for being small, 35 years old and pregnant with twins, so considered high risk. I had ultrasounds pretty much every other week. I didn't complain because that reassured me I was not dreaming, I was really having twins!

On October 18, 2010 I had a doctor appointment. The doctor said I looked good and even though I was having slight contractions (not just Braxton Hicks like I thought) I was not in labor and told me to try and hang in there a few more weeks. He was hoping for at least 35 weeks, and I was just 32 weeks.

Well, my babies had other plans. I went to bed that night and woke up around 2:00 a.m. with contractions. I monitored the contractions for an hour or so and the pain was getting worse. I was trying to breath to calm myself when my husband woke up and the chaos began. When I got up from the bed I realized the pain was strong and might actually be labor. After speaking to the doctor, we rushed to the hospital. When the doctor examined me she said I was in labor and we were having the babies "as soon as the operating room was ready."

About an hour later, at 5:10 a.m. and 5:13 a.m. my babies arrived. Natalia is the big sister, weighing just 2 lbs 14 oz and Sebastian 3 lbs 15 oz. They were small, but healthy babies. I knew they were ok when they allowed me to take pictures with both babies before whisking them to the NICU. I was so thankful it was all over and my babies were healthy.

I had no idea what having a preemie meant until I had them. They had to stay in the NICU for 3 weeks until they learned how to eat, swallow and breathe all at once. Most preemies hold their breath while eating because they don't have the coordination skills it takes to do it all at once.

Leaving the hospital without my babies was probably the saddest day of my life. My heart literally hurt having to go home without them. I always pictured the day I would take my babies home from the hospital, and this was not the picture I had in my mind.

Three weeks later Sebastian came home. One day after, Natalia came home. My husband and I had no idea what to do with them now that we were 100% responsible for them. Somehow, we managed. Sleepless night after sleepless night we fought through to stay awake during the day to give our babies all the love and care they needed. Honestly, I was so excited to have them that sleep wasn't that big of an issue. Some nights I actually looked forward to them waking up at 3:00 a.m. so I could spend some quiet time with them. I learned to feed them at the same time, which kept them happy. After about 5 months, both babies were sleeping through the night and mommy and daddy had the rest they needed.

Even though everything I just told you about takes a lot of energy, patience and love (among other things) I wouldn't change it for the world! Still to this day, I put my babies down for the night and as soon as I do, I feel empty without them. I can't wait for morning time so I can play with them again.

I can't tell you about the joys of motherhood without telling you how thankful I am to have my wonderful mother. I have always loved, respected and admired her, but I sincerely have a new found respect for her now that I have my own children. She is an amazing woman and I owe everything I am to her. I love you mom!

Being a mom is not an easy task, but it has been the best reward ever!